the no-nonsense space

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Whose Chopper Is It, Anyway

Dear Ms Rumplemeyer,
It was a privilege indeed to read such a finely crafted riposte from an old, weathered yet keen mind to my rather juvenile rants. Ergo, your comments deserve to be posted on my blog rather than unceremoniously consigned to the 'comments' section.

But before I attempt to redeem myself, I must say madam, that your first name reminds me of something that I end up having every once in a while for dinner at an Italian restaurant named Big Chill in Delhi which my fiancee seems very partial to, perhaps the only thing she likes in this big village. I think its called Arrabiatta (I know as a young man my memory should serve me better, but Italian thingies I'm not used to you see..) made using penne, sphagetti or fusilli. I almost always end up ordering Fusilli (you know that cork-screw kinda thing) Arrabiatta, but that's another matter. Your surname though suggests that you are of fine yiddish extraction (if such thing does exist). It is therefore very heartwarming that you, sitting on your Shabbat table should feel so strongly about the city of Bombay than the God-gifted land.
Please find my observations at the end of your delightful letter.
Dear No-Nonsense Votary,

Your impassioned and sprightly attempt ‘to burst a few myths” has been most charming. I’m even convinced that those with resilience piled high enough to fire up a space rocket or two would be a little under the weather after reading your little.. aah...engaging but hopelessly misinformed diatribe against ‘Bombay’ mythmakers.

An old lady such as me shouldn’t pretend to know much about the goings on the world of news reporting or about the peculiar habits of news people. I’m rather inclined to think, however, that the whole lot of them should be consigned to the boondocks for chronic pomposity and apathy towards facts.

They might be nice boys and girls all of them, but their heads seem to be up in the clouds most of the time. But let me not digress my dear Votary, and ask if that skinny lad Srinivasan (Vasu you tell me he’s called - and that’s a jolly good thing too - ‘Srinivasan’ is too big a name for TV) wasn’t flying that big industrialist Gireesh or Gautam something Singhania’s copter? Why would Singhania’s copter have NDTV written in bold all over it? My sight is failing and it is wholly possible that I missed the big- bold-red letters on the chopp.. chopper’s doors, but it does seem a bit odd, don’t you think?

I also have the vaguest memory, Votary dear, that the office of the news house you mentioned is not located on a high-rise some where in Nariman Point, as you’ve breezily noted. It is in the vicinity of Mahindra Towers, in between Worli and Prabhadevi, if my memory or what’s left of it, still serves me well.

Now dear Votary before I go on any further, I must tell you about a conversion I had with my grand niece a few days ago. Yes, I’m sure it was before the rains pounded Bombay, the way all of us who have lived there know it would some day.

My grand niece, is a nice little thing, you see, very sincere but not at all level-headed, unfortunately. Now this girl is to marry soon and wants to go and live in that very same blighted city you seem to love to hate. She was telling me about a tiff she had with her husband-to-be, who hails from another seaside city, Chennai. That lad, and he’s a fine young man, bright and very committed, just doesn’t understand what it means to live in big cosmopolitan city.

So this girl wants to be in Mumbai and her fiancee would rather be called narrow-minded than live in a city where it is not possible to be at work within in 20 minutes of leaving home and spend not more than Rs 5,000 on living arrangements.

But you dear Votary are wiser, you seem to be all in praise of your colleague who does not complain after traveling 30 kilometers to work. I wonder what encouraging things you will say about those who brave crowded train compartments everyday for anything between 40 to 120 kilometers to get to work in breezy Nariman Point.

Of course, you too might not know what that means, not having lived in Bombay. Well, old lady such as me can bring herself to forgive for that. But my grand niece, she can’t forgive that boy for saying mean things about her city.

I also have some advice for you my dear Votary, next time round don’t go writing things about Bombay that you’re clearly not qualified to do.

In Delhi, I’d like to see a cold wave of unimaginable proportions or a heat wave that fries you straight and simple. I wonder how many people will turn up at their Sarkari offices the next day. The people of Bombay are brave dear Votary because they’ve braved the deluge for days on end in the simple and non-fussy way that most Mumbaikars do. That needs no defense.

Now about the conspiracy that you’ve alleged the rest of the world to be busy hatching, I’d like to point to you a startling similarity between the words ‘conspiracy’ and ‘resilience’. Conspiracy comes from the Latin root ‘conspirare’ which means to breath the spirit together and resilience as you well know, is the ability to survive.

Now the if it’s a conspiracy of hope, that resilience word, then so be it. Otherwise you’ll have to wait for a deluge in Chennai, like that boy whose marrying my grand niece, to appreciate Bombay and its people better.

Thanking You.

Yours Sincerely,

Arabetta Rumplemeyer

Madam, who would have thought that TV channels in India could become powerful and wealthy enough to own flying machines of their own. Gone are the days when Mr Roy would have to request Mr Singhania for a quick ride on his chopper. Mr Roy and his wife in fact own three such toys--all painted in red and white--I'm told. And do forgive me for my poor knowledge of Mumbai's geography. It's true I cant tell breezy Nariman point from Worli. The Queen's Necklace (is that what you call it?) forms a lovely background when Vasu does his nightly 11 'O' clock jig, and I assumed any place in the vicinity of that road to be part of Nariman Point.
Ms Rumplemeyer, you can assure your grand niece (even I think she'd be a nice, smart little girl having chosen a cultured man from the south of Vindhyas), and those who think like her that I do not hate your beloved city. I only hate the mindless use euphemisms, generalisations and cliches. If you read me carefully I do not praise my colleague for travelling a great distance to work. I'm sure there are a million others in this country who do more to earn a living. It's a neccessity. My whole point was that there's nothing celebrate if people did that. "A cold wave of unimaginable proportions, and a heatwave that fries people straight" sounds like the aftermath of a nuclear explosion. I concede people, sarkari or otherwise won't turn up for work, not just in delhi but anywhere in the world. I'm not sure how many did in Hiroshima or Nagasaki, but by and large, the world considers the Japanese to be highly resilient. Passion for your city it seems has clouded your judgement and dimmed the ability to reason.
But in anycase, please do convey my wishes to your grand niece and the boy she is about to wed. Sounds like a smart guy, that fellow. Anyone who looks for a place 20 minutes driving distance to work and keep the cost of living arrangements reasonable, would have a good head on his shoulders. It would be my pleasure to take you, your grand niece, and her beau for a hearty Fusilli Arrabiatta-and-wine dinner if you happen to visit this wretched city sometime soon.

Yours Truly


  • At 6:25 AM, Blogger Chetan Mallik said…

    Hey Viv,

    Nice reply to a passionate comment. I am sure there are many in Mumbai who feel the same sense of inflated pride for their city. I feel that so easily we sometimes make passionate statements which are not backed by enough experiences. When somebody asks these celeb South-Mumbaikars about whther they like mumbai or not, the answer is a resounding “Yes”. But in reality they like that part of Mumbai they are associated with. The rest they have no clue about. If a person spends most of his time in a posh office and then in a posh nightclub, his or opinion of Mumbai will be surely influenced by the newspapers and mass media.

  • At 3:42 AM, Anonymous Mulligan said…

    Hmmm, I see you left some kind and gentle words on Suku's blog. Was the last unsigned one yours as well? Anyway your posts are highly detailed and sometimes provoking - I liked "Resilience". True - people are resilient because they know that no-one is gonna come to help them (Ergo, was Nawlins' not resilient?) - it is you versus apathy. If you win you're tarred as resilient. So what did you expect me to do, pack up my things and move back to some village where my great-great grandfather came from?
    Anyway - about the choppers - Vasu went on Gautam 'speed demon wannabe' Singhania's Bell chopper and the three choppers in the Rs 1450-crore NDTV's colours are actually not quite their own. They're leased from Gopinath of Deccan Aviation in a deal whereby Gopinath paints them in NDTV colours (block deal a la Star TV - after all two of his planes are also in NDTV colours) and NDTV gets them at short notice. But you too - Yes YOU - can ride one of those choppers for the measly sum of Rs 55,000 an hour!

  • At 3:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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  • At 8:08 AM, Blogger Mr. Brine said…

    Dear Mulligan,
    Despite being the least advertised blog on earth, the no-nonsense space seems to be attracting quite a few visitors. Call the power of Blogsearch or good old word of mouth. I have a sneaking suspicion I've had a mug of beer with you sometime in my hoary past. I don't deny that I do take the odd liberty with facts while writing my blog. But eh it' after all a blog and not my entry for the CNN Best Young Journalist of the Year award. The beacon of virtue that I am, I only have nice things to say about my colleagues--past and present. I did try to dig out the magazine with the Mphasis cover story in question. It seems my library does not believe in storing magazine copies more than two months old. Not even the country's best written one.

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